This waiting game I am playing is Not fun. My results from teh mammogram and the ultrasound were *supposed* to take Approximately 24 hour to get from the building where they were done to my doctors hands - the two buildings are side by freaking side by the way. I could have walked them over myself becuase I parked in my doctors lot and walked to the ultrasound/mammogram place.
AHHHNYway. I phoned Friday afternoon, about 26 hours after my appointment to see if the results had come in. They had not. This Monday is a new stat holiday called Family Day, so I have to wait until at least Tuesday maybe Wednesday to find out what is happening with my breasts.
The stress of waiting is killing me, I swear it is! Each stab of pain I have immediately reminds me of the unknown lump and the fact I am waiting to see if I am going to die. I have been SO tired. I'm sure it is stress causing my tiredness, but it has gotten to the point I joked to hubs that we needed to get a stair lift installed cus the stairs are too tough for me to climb.
I have, to be frank, lost my ability to think positive. Right now I am convinced I have breast cancer, and while I am more than willing to fight for my life, I do feel as though I am on borrowed time. Each time I am short with the boys I want to scream at myself! I do not want them to have memories of a short tempered woman as their mom, I want them to remember me as the woman who is proud of them, who loves them more than life.
Gah. ending this now before I start to cry
Showing posts with label healthy living. Show all posts
Showing posts with label healthy living. Show all posts
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Morbid Much?
Knowing that I may very well get bad news on Tuesday when I go to my doctor's appointment, my mindset has been quite dark lately. SO dark, I had to take a break from my main blog becuase I don't want to be a total downer!
One thing I have been thinking about is calling to get some life insurance quotes. Right now, Hubs has life insurance through work for himself, But not for me and the boys. I doubt that even if I got insurance by Tuesday morning they would honor their commitment if something did go wrong. I bet there is a waiting period before the insurance kicks in.
My mom got life insurance in June or July, and then in August, at her yearly physical found out she had diabetes, and then in October she found out she had Lung Cancer. When she Died in February (ironically, one day after MY appointment to see if I have cancer) Her life insurance covered every outstanding bill her and my dad had - INCLUDING their house!
I know that this helped my dad a lot in the years after my mom passed away, and I wonder if I am being selfish not preparing my family the same way... Onces my appointment on Tuesday is over, It will be too late. No insurance company will insure sick person!
(I am very scared)
One thing I have been thinking about is calling to get some life insurance quotes. Right now, Hubs has life insurance through work for himself, But not for me and the boys. I doubt that even if I got insurance by Tuesday morning they would honor their commitment if something did go wrong. I bet there is a waiting period before the insurance kicks in.
My mom got life insurance in June or July, and then in August, at her yearly physical found out she had diabetes, and then in October she found out she had Lung Cancer. When she Died in February (ironically, one day after MY appointment to see if I have cancer) Her life insurance covered every outstanding bill her and my dad had - INCLUDING their house!
I know that this helped my dad a lot in the years after my mom passed away, and I wonder if I am being selfish not preparing my family the same way... Onces my appointment on Tuesday is over, It will be too late. No insurance company will insure sick person!
(I am very scared)
Monday, February 04, 2008
Bad Dreams
We had a dog hen I was a child, She was never spayed and had a few batches of puppies. I'm sure she would have had puppy upon puppy until she was too old to bear, but she committed suicide at the ripe old age of five.
My husband also had a dog as a child. His dog, a male, Was neutered. But he came home from the vet a different dog then then fun loving one that went in. Toto had turned mean over night. Biting, growling, he was a menace. becuase my MIL owned a daycare, she eventually got rid of the dog. Dogs who bite are too big of a liability when you care for other peoples children.
Smokey goes in to the Vets the evening of the sixth to be spayed. She has to fast, and we were sure we would be unable to ignore her water dish antics so we opted to have her stay over night to fast and have her operation early in the AM on the seventh.
Logically I know she will be fine. I do. We have talked to a fair number of people about the vet we use and not one of them has a bad story to tell. (Several did about the previous vet). And I also know she HAS to be fixed. I would be unable to give away or sell any pf her puppies becuase I would fall in love with them. And puppies cost a lot of money! So. She has to get fixed.
It's just that every night I have the same dream with small variations. Each time, Smokey comes home a changed dog. She growls at the children. She is mean.
In the dream I am walking down the hallway toward the living room when I hear him scream. I run, but just as I round the corner I see the baby lean down to hug Smokey, inadvertently pressing on her recent stitches. It hurts her and she barks, growls and turns to him.
Sometimes she simply bites him and we drive him for stitches, other times, like last night, by the time I reach them, she has tore the baby's arm clear off. And the dream does not end there. I have to sleep through the panic of trying to call 911. I soak up endless rivers of blood, waiting for the ambulance, as my baby screams in my arms.
The closer we get to the date of her surgery the more vivid and disturbing my dreams get.
My husband also had a dog as a child. His dog, a male, Was neutered. But he came home from the vet a different dog then then fun loving one that went in. Toto had turned mean over night. Biting, growling, he was a menace. becuase my MIL owned a daycare, she eventually got rid of the dog. Dogs who bite are too big of a liability when you care for other peoples children.
Smokey goes in to the Vets the evening of the sixth to be spayed. She has to fast, and we were sure we would be unable to ignore her water dish antics so we opted to have her stay over night to fast and have her operation early in the AM on the seventh.
Logically I know she will be fine. I do. We have talked to a fair number of people about the vet we use and not one of them has a bad story to tell. (Several did about the previous vet). And I also know she HAS to be fixed. I would be unable to give away or sell any pf her puppies becuase I would fall in love with them. And puppies cost a lot of money! So. She has to get fixed.
It's just that every night I have the same dream with small variations. Each time, Smokey comes home a changed dog. She growls at the children. She is mean.
In the dream I am walking down the hallway toward the living room when I hear him scream. I run, but just as I round the corner I see the baby lean down to hug Smokey, inadvertently pressing on her recent stitches. It hurts her and she barks, growls and turns to him.
Sometimes she simply bites him and we drive him for stitches, other times, like last night, by the time I reach them, she has tore the baby's arm clear off. And the dream does not end there. I have to sleep through the panic of trying to call 911. I soak up endless rivers of blood, waiting for the ambulance, as my baby screams in my arms.
The closer we get to the date of her surgery the more vivid and disturbing my dreams get.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Confessions of a closet Hypochondriac
I hate reading blogs by people who are sick.
There I said it.
My problem is that as they describe their symptoms and what they are going through I start to believe I have it to the point where I have panic attacks. I can't sleep at night for fear!
Here is a good example. Late last night, using the Stumble tool bar I came across a blog written my a woman who has breast cancer. Immediately I had her symptoms. I knew I should click the X, leave the page and try to forget about her heart wrenching story, but I read on and on. I did [enter random number here] self breast exams, in the shower, sitting, laying down, searching for the lump I knew had to be there.
Thank God there was no lump, but still, I found it really hard to close off my mind to the possibility that night when I tried to fall asleep.
I have taken on symptoms of Irritable Bowel syndrome, restless leg, fibromyalgia and even bad colds, just from reading other peoples posts.
I try my best to not read them, but I think it is like passing a car accident on the highway, I just cannot look away, and int he end I suffer the consequences by spending hours google-ing symptoms, having panic attacks, and suffering from insomnia.
There I said it.
My problem is that as they describe their symptoms and what they are going through I start to believe I have it to the point where I have panic attacks. I can't sleep at night for fear!
Here is a good example. Late last night, using the Stumble tool bar I came across a blog written my a woman who has breast cancer. Immediately I had her symptoms. I knew I should click the X, leave the page and try to forget about her heart wrenching story, but I read on and on. I did [enter random number here] self breast exams, in the shower, sitting, laying down, searching for the lump I knew had to be there.
Thank God there was no lump, but still, I found it really hard to close off my mind to the possibility that night when I tried to fall asleep.
I have taken on symptoms of Irritable Bowel syndrome, restless leg, fibromyalgia and even bad colds, just from reading other peoples posts.
I try my best to not read them, but I think it is like passing a car accident on the highway, I just cannot look away, and int he end I suffer the consequences by spending hours google-ing symptoms, having panic attacks, and suffering from insomnia.
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
Negative Calorie Diet?
What if there was a way to lose weight and still eat? Apparently there IS. It's called the Negative Calorie Diet. I was tipped off on this by Fantastagirl, she is using supplements as well as following a diet and exercise plan.
You see, there are certain foods that use more calories being digested than they contain - that means you can eat them feel full and by digesting them be left with a caloric deficit.
Lets say a piece of apple pie is five hundred calories, you use up 100 calories digesting the pie but gain 400 to your fat stores (thats a fancy way of saying thighs by the way)
If you eat an apple though, - I know the numbers aren't right just play along - lets say it takes the same 100 calories to digest the apple BUT the apple only contained 85 calories - that means 15 calories are taken away from your fat storage (thighs) to burn the apple.
This is the basis of the Negative Calorie Diet. From a bit of research online I found an actual ebook you can download for 25 bucks that will tell you the 100 foods that contain negative calories. (these are called Thermic vegetables/fruits)
But I am very cheap. No way I am spending 25 bucks for some foods when, with a bit of research I am sure I can find some more.
Just from my conversation with Fantastagirl, I have the basics for a good HEALTHY diet plan - one that will NOT leave me hungry.
Check it out - If you know of any foods that are Negative calories that are not on the list, please tell me!
No where on the list do I see carbs like breads and pasta - this saddens me as I LOVE sandwiches, toasts, and pasta. However, last year I went on a no/low carb diet. It was very high in protein and I took the zero carb rout with it. I lose 15 lbs in a month JUST by cutting out the carbs.
I can see where the Negative Diet has benefits. Being able to chow down on fruits or veggies when I am snackish - which I am constantly will be a huge help with being able to stick with a diet.
this post is quite long. As it is past midnight here I will end this now, But I will keep you updated on how I do on this diet - for example - finding an exercise that works for me - with my back issues will be challenging!
With the no carb diet I had a hard time finding something easy, quick, to eat as a snack.
You see, there are certain foods that use more calories being digested than they contain - that means you can eat them feel full and by digesting them be left with a caloric deficit.
Lets say a piece of apple pie is five hundred calories, you use up 100 calories digesting the pie but gain 400 to your fat stores (thats a fancy way of saying thighs by the way)
If you eat an apple though, - I know the numbers aren't right just play along - lets say it takes the same 100 calories to digest the apple BUT the apple only contained 85 calories - that means 15 calories are taken away from your fat storage (thighs) to burn the apple.
This is the basis of the Negative Calorie Diet. From a bit of research online I found an actual ebook you can download for 25 bucks that will tell you the 100 foods that contain negative calories. (these are called Thermic vegetables/fruits)
But I am very cheap. No way I am spending 25 bucks for some foods when, with a bit of research I am sure I can find some more.
Just from my conversation with Fantastagirl, I have the basics for a good HEALTHY diet plan - one that will NOT leave me hungry.
Check it out - If you know of any foods that are Negative calories that are not on the list, please tell me!
1. Drink 80 to 100 ounces of water per day
2. Exercise
3. Veggies are:
Asparagus,
Beets,
Broccoli,
Cabbage,
Cauliflower,
Celery,
Green Beans,
Mushrooms,
snow peas,
squash
etc -
fruits -
apple,
cantaloupe,
pear,
grapes,
blackberries,
blueberries,
cherries,
4. Meat :
You can eat 8 oz of
Beef,
chicken,
Fish,
Lobster,
Shrimp,
Tuna,
Turkey,
all LEAN and not fried or breaded...
5. Salads...
6.You can eat as many "Thermic Veggies as you want - whenever you want
And for dessert : Sugar-Free Jello - any time you want -
Coffee is fine - Black
No where on the list do I see carbs like breads and pasta - this saddens me as I LOVE sandwiches, toasts, and pasta. However, last year I went on a no/low carb diet. It was very high in protein and I took the zero carb rout with it. I lose 15 lbs in a month JUST by cutting out the carbs.
I can see where the Negative Diet has benefits. Being able to chow down on fruits or veggies when I am snackish - which I am constantly will be a huge help with being able to stick with a diet.
this post is quite long. As it is past midnight here I will end this now, But I will keep you updated on how I do on this diet - for example - finding an exercise that works for me - with my back issues will be challenging!
With the no carb diet I had a hard time finding something easy, quick, to eat as a snack.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Winter sucks : reason eight hundred and thirty nine
I know that my weight gain is a huge part of why my health is failing so quickly. My back is sore becuase my tummy is too fat. My feet and joints are sore from carrying this extra thirty pounds around. And yet? For seven or eight months of the year, to go outside and walk around the block I would be risking frostbite - of the lungs and extremities.
I don't have the money for a gym pass, and if I did, I have three small boys who have needs. I am not saying I never leave the house, but I do only go out once or twice a month, and that is after they go to sleep.
No a gym membership is out.
So the only thing I can thing of is to get some sort of elliptical machine. I know for a fact that when I have my iPod on I can tune out everything, I spend a lot of nights sewing that way, and you would be surprised at how fast the work goes when there is good music to listen too.
I have a room all set up for an elliptical machine too. All that is in this room is my sewing machine and the dogs kennel, so I would be able to exercise and take some time to myself without the nose and the constant I wants of the kids.
What do you think? Have you bought an exercises machine and then watched it collect dust or did you put it to use and watch your inches melt off?
I don't have the money for a gym pass, and if I did, I have three small boys who have needs. I am not saying I never leave the house, but I do only go out once or twice a month, and that is after they go to sleep.
No a gym membership is out.
So the only thing I can thing of is to get some sort of elliptical machine. I know for a fact that when I have my iPod on I can tune out everything, I spend a lot of nights sewing that way, and you would be surprised at how fast the work goes when there is good music to listen too.
I have a room all set up for an elliptical machine too. All that is in this room is my sewing machine and the dogs kennel, so I would be able to exercise and take some time to myself without the nose and the constant I wants of the kids.
What do you think? Have you bought an exercises machine and then watched it collect dust or did you put it to use and watch your inches melt off?
Sigh
Its like mother nature hates me.
In the last hour we have had an inch and a half of that hateful frozen white stuff. Just yesterday I killed my back getting rid of all the snow. My driveway sidewalks and steps were spotless. And now I cannot see where they start and the road begins.
Really there is no point in me telling hte eight year old to go and shovel when it is still pouring down from the clouds. He would have half of it done, look back and the part he had already done would be covered again.
But I really hate having the snow there. It gets dragged in on boots and makes a mess of my mat, and it is a hazard when Smokey has to go and she runs really fast.
No matter how much it bugs me to see it out there I refuse to shovel it myself. I just can't.
In the last hour we have had an inch and a half of that hateful frozen white stuff. Just yesterday I killed my back getting rid of all the snow. My driveway sidewalks and steps were spotless. And now I cannot see where they start and the road begins.
Really there is no point in me telling hte eight year old to go and shovel when it is still pouring down from the clouds. He would have half of it done, look back and the part he had already done would be covered again.
But I really hate having the snow there. It gets dragged in on boots and makes a mess of my mat, and it is a hazard when Smokey has to go and she runs really fast.
No matter how much it bugs me to see it out there I refuse to shovel it myself. I just can't.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Ahh yes. Winter
Last night brought us five new inches of snow, freezing rain, and a flu bug.
So far as I know, only one of us has it, and he has been segregated onto the couch with a Scooby Doo movie and a bucket.
I have my fingers crossed that the baby wakes up fine. He tends to be a follower in matters of germs. If one of us has it, he has it too. I have a feeling it is his unbridled passion for kissing that does it.
It is times like this that I am glad that by the age of one the kids all had been taught how to aim for a toilet or a bucket. I would hate to try and scrub puke from the floors!
So far as I know, only one of us has it, and he has been segregated onto the couch with a Scooby Doo movie and a bucket.
I have my fingers crossed that the baby wakes up fine. He tends to be a follower in matters of germs. If one of us has it, he has it too. I have a feeling it is his unbridled passion for kissing that does it.
It is times like this that I am glad that by the age of one the kids all had been taught how to aim for a toilet or a bucket. I would hate to try and scrub puke from the floors!
Friday, November 23, 2007
*Shame*
So... ask me how that no/low carb thing is going. Go ahead I dare you.
No? No takers?
That's OK, it's my blog, I'll tell ya anyway.
It's going bad. Very bad.
You see, the apples in the crisper are slightly mushy. I'm not an apple fan to begin with so having even the slightest mush to them makes them absolutly disgusting to me. And other than fruit, what am I supposed to eat sans carb in the morning?
Toast is out. And so are egs and bacon cus I am damn well not trying to handle an oven that early in the morning. If I can light my microwaveable porridge on fire, then who knows what I would do with an actual stove.
Shudders.
And then? the chimichongas in the freezer? they are sitting there screaming my name. begging for me to put them out of their frozen misery and eat them!
I'm doing really good at the whole no candy and cookie thing, as well, I put a really tiny spoon in the sugar so my coffee is not so sweet.
Next weekend, when we go shopping I will stock up on celery and carrots and crisp apples, see if that helps.
But for now? I refuse to get discouraged and chow down on the mini chocolate bars in the kids' bags.
And the chips I got tonight for the movie were carb free. After I used a permanent marker to cross that line out in the Nutritional Facts, that is.
No? No takers?
That's OK, it's my blog, I'll tell ya anyway.
It's going bad. Very bad.
You see, the apples in the crisper are slightly mushy. I'm not an apple fan to begin with so having even the slightest mush to them makes them absolutly disgusting to me. And other than fruit, what am I supposed to eat sans carb in the morning?
Toast is out. And so are egs and bacon cus I am damn well not trying to handle an oven that early in the morning. If I can light my microwaveable porridge on fire, then who knows what I would do with an actual stove.
Shudders.
And then? the chimichongas in the freezer? they are sitting there screaming my name. begging for me to put them out of their frozen misery and eat them!
I'm doing really good at the whole no candy and cookie thing, as well, I put a really tiny spoon in the sugar so my coffee is not so sweet.
Next weekend, when we go shopping I will stock up on celery and carrots and crisp apples, see if that helps.
But for now? I refuse to get discouraged and chow down on the mini chocolate bars in the kids' bags.
And the chips I got tonight for the movie were carb free. After I used a permanent marker to cross that line out in the Nutritional Facts, that is.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Choosing a Care Home
Our society is ageing at a rapid pace. Many people are waiting longer to have children, and many elderly are living longer because of advances in medical science. No matter the advances in medical science, we do age, and as we age, we have questions.
But. When the day comes that you cannot care for your aging loved one, how do you properly choose a
care home for them? You love them and want them to be looked after with the same love and care you wish you could provide.
BetterCaring is a dedicated service for anyone who needs answers to crucial questions about care for themselves or their loved ones. The site is easily navigated and allows you up to date news and views. You can search out and learn about Care homes in the UK. BetterCaring ensures that your loved one gets better care.
My dad is very close to that point with my grandmother. Right now it is still safe for her to be home, but soon, she will need daily care, and my father , working a full time job, will not be able to provide the level she will require.
I know that the decision to move grandma to a care home is agonizing my father. He needs to be sure that she will be loved in her new home, like we love her now.
But. When the day comes that you cannot care for your aging loved one, how do you properly choose a
care home for them? You love them and want them to be looked after with the same love and care you wish you could provide.
BetterCaring is a dedicated service for anyone who needs answers to crucial questions about care for themselves or their loved ones. The site is easily navigated and allows you up to date news and views. You can search out and learn about Care homes in the UK. BetterCaring ensures that your loved one gets better care.
My dad is very close to that point with my grandmother. Right now it is still safe for her to be home, but soon, she will need daily care, and my father , working a full time job, will not be able to provide the level she will require.
I know that the decision to move grandma to a care home is agonizing my father. He needs to be sure that she will be loved in her new home, like we love her now.
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Dr. Google
I was on the internet last night trying to do some research about my recent loss of taste. I cannot taste anything after the first sip or bite, it becomes a sickly sweet taste instead. I hate it.
During my surfing I cam across some pictures of Bacterial Tonsillitis. So off I went into the bathroom with a flashlight and sure enough i have a white plug of what I assume is bacteria, exactly where Dr.Google said it would be.
I have a sore throat or a cough three weeks out of four, all year long. My tonsils often become inflamed, but I have never seen an actual doctor about it. Where I live you must have 12 diagnosed cases of tonsillitis in a 12 month period to have your tonsils removed, and with three kids? That is WAY too much of a hassle. Not to mention that should I feel ill, make an appointment, by the time I see my doctor, the symptoms would be gone. He has a two to three week wait time to get in to see him.
Don't bitch, He is an excellent doctor and a that makes him worth the wait.
During my surfing I cam across some pictures of Bacterial Tonsillitis. So off I went into the bathroom with a flashlight and sure enough i have a white plug of what I assume is bacteria, exactly where Dr.Google said it would be.
I have a sore throat or a cough three weeks out of four, all year long. My tonsils often become inflamed, but I have never seen an actual doctor about it. Where I live you must have 12 diagnosed cases of tonsillitis in a 12 month period to have your tonsils removed, and with three kids? That is WAY too much of a hassle. Not to mention that should I feel ill, make an appointment, by the time I see my doctor, the symptoms would be gone. He has a two to three week wait time to get in to see him.
Don't bitch, He is an excellent doctor and a that makes him worth the wait.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Resistance is futile!
Today of course is Halloween. Some years you can expect trick or treaters right as soon as school is over, and other years, not until later.
This Year I expect a lot of kids becuase there is NO SNOW on the ground. I simply CANNOT recall the last Halloween with no snow.
SO I have my Trick Or treat candy sitting in a big bowl on the counter. I sweat the KitKats are laughing at me every time I look away and I am pretty sure that the spit ball came from the Tootsie roll in the middle. He has a smug look to him.
In fact. I think I had better go take preventative measures against a candy uprising!
This Year I expect a lot of kids becuase there is NO SNOW on the ground. I simply CANNOT recall the last Halloween with no snow.
SO I have my Trick Or treat candy sitting in a big bowl on the counter. I sweat the KitKats are laughing at me every time I look away and I am pretty sure that the spit ball came from the Tootsie roll in the middle. He has a smug look to him.
In fact. I think I had better go take preventative measures against a candy uprising!
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