Waiting

This waiting game I am playing is Not fun. My results from teh mammogram and the ultrasound were *supposed* to take Approximately 24 hour to get from the building where they were done to my doctors hands - the two buildings are side by freaking side by the way. I could have walked them over myself becuase I parked in my doctors lot and walked to the ultrasound/mammogram place.

AHHHNYway. I phoned Friday afternoon, about 26 hours after my appointment to see if the results had come in. They had not. This Monday is a new stat holiday called Family Day, so I have to wait until at least Tuesday maybe Wednesday to find out what is happening with my breasts.

The stress of waiting is killing me, I swear it is! Each stab of pain I have immediately reminds me of the unknown lump and the fact I am waiting to see if I am going to die. I have been SO tired. I'm sure it is stress causing my tiredness, but it has gotten to the point I joked to hubs that we needed to get a stair lift installed cus the stairs are too tough for me to climb.

I have, to be frank, lost my ability to think positive. Right now I am convinced I have breast cancer, and while I am more than willing to fight for my life, I do feel as though I am on borrowed time. Each time I am short with the boys I want to scream at myself! I do not want them to have memories of a short tempered woman as their mom, I want them to remember me as the woman who is proud of them, who loves them more than life.


Gah. ending this now before I start to cry