Monday, October 15, 2007

Pondering Me

I think one of the reasons I am so bad about making appointments to see the doctor is that I am a hypochondriac. Or at least I think I am. When something is wrong I always want to wait and see if it will go away before seeing a doctor.

Its kind of a two part thing. For some reason I always feel as though I am wasting a doctors time when I schedule an appointment. I know it is thier job to see patients, but I always wonder, is it all in my head, or is it real.

Then I get worried that it IS real and that I am really sick. Not just sick, but Sick Sick. You know a disease that is lifelong, debilitating, or fatal. that kind of thing. And then I think do I really want to know I am going to die? Which makes me thing, but what if we catch whatever it is in time and it saves my life, What if going in today, as opposed to three months from now, will be the one thing that saves my life.

Even after I am at the doctors I find it hard to actually voice my complaints. Maybe I feel that I expect too much? maybe everyone has problems and I am just a big baby? So generally I will wait until one symptom becomes unbearable and go in for that, and not mention all the other issues that are bothering me.

Doing that of course creates only more problems. One is that I will end up going back - wasting more of the doctors time, for one of the problems that I had at the first visit, and the other problem is, what if the other symptoms helps to lead to a diagnosis?

In any case. I made an appointment for the doctor. October 23.

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