I have lost my slippers and my feet are cold. I will need Four teams for the search and rescue party..
Team One will start the search in my bedroom. This team should concentrate their efforts on the two closets. Search high and low people and whatever you do, do not get separated. As a rule, closets are dangerous and you may not come out alive.
While you are in the closet, please feel free to take the Previously Hidden Easter candy out to the trash and hang up all of the clothing that has fallen.
Team two will concentrate on the basement. This team must consist of at least four people to keep with the buddy rule.
- Team Two A will concentrate on the storage part of the furnace room. Look in all of the boxes and bags, and do not forget to kill any spider you may see. These are sentry spiders and if left alive, they will bring reinforcements. Feel free to organize the room as you search.
- Team Two B will be focusing their search on the actual furnace room. Beware the large black shelf. Those haphazard piles are as unstable as they look and will fall with the slightest provocation. Please take note of the location of any and all winter clothing you find as I will need that information in the coming months. Again. Be sure to kill all sentry spiders.
Team Three has what will possibly be the hardest job of all. But with their struggle, they may be rewarded with national fame. As long as they do not die in a smelly avalanche of shoes that is. Thats right. Team Three must journey to the shoe closet located on the north.. uh south.. uhm the wall over there in the kitchen. You will likely find sand mud and various food particles that have been thrown from the babies plate. This closet has not been cleaned in at least two months. There are four shelves specially designed for shoes, but none of the shoes are on the shelves. As well, that large white bar suspended up high has not one coat hung on it's hangers as it is easier for everything to be shoved in and the door shut quickly so as to not let any item escape.
There are an additional two shelves piled high with various and sundry items. Each must be searched and organized in this monumental quest for my slippers.
Team Four will consist of Two people. One for each of my feet. Their job will be to warm, and possibly massage my feet until my slippers are found, dusted and placed on my feet. This is an important job and you can rest easy knowing I had my bath last night as well as a shower not even two hours ago. Team four can feel free to buff and paint my nails should they see fit.
As for the slippers themselves. They look much like the slippers in this photo, except I think they are black. However they might be grey or possibly blue. It has been a long summer and I simply do not remember these things. That's what I have you for!
All volunteer searchers should contact me at Findmyslippers@right now.com*as soon as possible so we can get organized and more importantly I can have warm feet again. Please state which team you wish to be on at the time of application and a number where I can reach you.
Thank you for your time!
(there will be coffee and cookies after my slippers are back
*dude thats a fictional email, just as this is a fictional post. Well, not really. My feet are cold and I have no idea where my slippers are..., Also. There are no cookies. I flat-out lied about that!